Ouch, that was helpful. The Beauty of Feedback
Learning about ourselves can be painful, sometimes brutal.
When you’re at the office, we call it a “review”.
When you’re with your kids, we call it “parenting”.
When you’re with your spouse, we call it a “loving suggestion”.
Whatever you call it, feedback is best when it’s specific and not beating around the bush.
The funny thing is that when we give feedback, we notice the receiver isn’t good at receiving it. When we receive feedback, we notice that the giver isn’t good at giving it!
3 Types of Feedback
- Appreciation – to see, acknowledge, connect, motivate, thank
- Coaching – to help receiver expand knowledge, sharpen skill, improve capability
- Evaluation – to rate or rank against a set of standards, to align expectations, to inform decision making.
Why am I breaking down feedback?
What comes between us and a better version of us is often ourselves. That’s mainly because of our assumptions, which can sometimes be slightly off.
But rejecting feedback is easy. Wrong spotting is looking for something wrong with the feedback so we can write it off all together.
When we push back from feedback, we move away from the better version of ourselves we desire. When people share feedback, it might often be the very thing we need to take us from where we are to where we want to be.
The story we tell ourselves:
Feedback from me or your favorite Avenu coach is often a tough pill to swallow. It boils down to what we say and what you actually hear:
Avenu says: Taking pictures of your food helps build awareness.
You hear: You lie about your food and we want proof.
Avenu says: It’s best to cut back on the alcohol if you’re trying to lose weight and sleep better.
You hear: You can’t drink or have fun ever again.
Avenu says: I know it’s tough not seeing the progress you’re hoping for. Have you been taking pics of your food, cutting back on drinking, and moving most days of the week?
You hear: You’re lazy. You need to workout for an hour+, 7 days a week. You need to to punish yourself to see results. You’re not good enough. Who do you think you are?
Feedback is about one thing, yet somehow we can make it about everything.
Best way to receive feedback:
Simply say “Ouch, that was helpful.”
Just admit that it hurts, but know that it helps. It’s difficult to improve something while we are trying to prove something. If we feel the other person is taking a jab at us personally, we’re not going to be able to hear the advice they have. If we’re trying to brush the details under the rug, we’re not going to be able to seek out critical feedback no matter how helpful it may be.
What’s the best first step for feedback?
Start taking pictures of everything you eat and drink.
Just make sure you hear clearly the coaching that I’m giving: Just take the pictures.
Have feedback for me regarding these notes, where I’m missing the ball with Avenu’s growth and offerings, I’d love to hear. The more specific the better 🙂